My Addiction

addiction

It’s become a problem. I always know why I start it, but it still keeps happening. It’s gotten worse, too. I’d rather do it than go to class. I’d rather do it sometimes than hang out with people. It’s just become that important in my life.

Every time I sit down and get ready to do it, I know I am feeding my addiction, but I am and will always be okay with that.

I sit down at the chair and empty all of my thoughts out. Every idea expelled is like a breath released: freeing. These ideas expound upon themselves, whirling me up into a dream-like state, where adventures no longer surround me, but become me. Trekking through these escapades, my deepest and darkest secrets are revealed, as they sneak out of my unconscious and into my realm of perception, to serve as my motivation–my purpose. That’s why I do it.

That’s why I write, and that’s why I will never stop waking up in the middle of the night to write down a thought, or spending hours at my computer to expand upon those ideas.

It’s worse now than ever: my addiction to writing. As I revise my first book, or even as I write my second, people find themselves pulling me out of the worlds in which I have engrossed myself, and I leave, unwilling to part with my characters, my story.

I think it’s a good thing: my addiction.

It’s helping me get through what others have called (and I agree with them on this) the most arduous part of writing: revision.

It is EXTREMELY intimidating to sit down in front of ninety-thousand words and tell yourself that you’re going to make each and every one of them count, and not only count, but meld together into a seamless flow that moves their readers like no other.

The only solution is to plunge headfirst into a dark, mysterious pool, and become a conjoined–reader and writer–in order to expel the fear and gain sight of the goal. So, that’s what I do. I make the dive every time I get the chance, and I’m about a third the way done with my first revision of the book with the working title of Prophecies Unspoken.

I am going to go through two more revisions, during which I will have my first readers, hopefully one person who writes and one person who just reads, as both perspectives are important.

I will do my best to make to make it good, and I feel like  a second-grader saying that, but it’s how I feel.

‘Till next time.

we-are-all-addicted-300x199

P. S. I can pull myself away if I need to. No one freak out on me here. It’s a metaphor.

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